How to Handle a Youth Coach Who Favors Their Own Child

Let’s be real — youth sports can bring out the best and the worst in people. We show up to support our kids, cheer until we’re hoarse, and snap photos by the dozen. But what happens when the person in charge — the coach — seems to be giving their own child special treatment on the court or field?

This is a situation more parents than you’d think have to face. It’s awkward, frustrating, and often feels unfair. But there are ways to handle it without causing drama or making things worse for your child.

Let’s dive into how you can spot coach favoritism and what to do about it.

What Does Favoritism Look Like in Youth Sports?

Good question. Some signs of favoritism are easy to spot, while others are more subtle. You might notice:

• The coach’s child gets more playing time, even with weaker skills than other players
• They always play the best position — regardless of performance
• Your child and others rarely get one-on-one feedback or encouragement
• The coach is harder on other players than they are on their own kid

Sound familiar? Before jumping to conclusions, keep in mind that being a youth coach is no easy gig. Especially if they’re volunteering, they’re juggling being a parent and a coach at the same time. But that doesn’t mean it’s okay for any player to feel overlooked.

Why Favoritism Happens (And It’s Not Always Intentional)

Favoritism doesn’t always come from a bad place. In fact, many coaches don’t even realize they’re doing it. Their own child may just be more familiar with the game plan or more willing to listen at home. Or maybe they’re trying so hard to be fair that it ends up looking unfair from the stands.

But intentional or not, favoritism can hurt a team’s morale and make kids lose interest in sports altogether. And that’s the last thing any parent wants.

So, what can you do if you think the coach is playing favorites?

Step 1: Take a Deep Breath and Observe

Before talking to anyone, take a step back and observe the situation. Watch how the coach interacts with all the players, not just during games, but during practices too. How much playing time does each child have? Are substitutions being rotated fairly?

It’s easy, as parents, to zero in on our own child’s experience and miss the bigger picture. So it helps to zoom out and look at how the entire team is being treated.

Step 2: Talk to Your Child

Ask your child how they’re feeling. Are they having fun? Do they feel like they’re learning and growing? Are they being treated fairly?

Sometimes, kids don’t notice favoritism the way adults do. Other times, they see it loud and clear and feel helpless to do anything about it. Either way, their feelings matter — maybe more than what we, as spectators, are picking up on.

Step 3: Decide If It’s Worth Raising

Once you’ve gathered some facts and talked to your child, decide whether the issue is serious enough to bring up. In many cases, kids just want to play, laugh with teammates, and enjoy the experience. If your child is still having fun and improving, it might not be worth escalating the issue.

But if it’s impacting your child’s confidence, causing stress, or you’re seeing the same pattern week after week, it’s time to speak up.

Step 4: Approach the Coach Respectfully

This might be the hardest part. No parent wants to be labeled “that parent” — the one causing a scene or questioning every call. But it is possible to have a calm, professional conversation with the coach.

Here’s how:

• Request a private chat — don’t start the conversation at the game or in front of other parents.
• Stick to the facts — focus on what you’ve observed, not guesses or emotions.
• Use “I” statements. For example: “I’ve noticed my child has been playing shorter shifts than others. I was wondering if there’s a reason for that?”
• Ask questions instead of making accusations.

The goal isn’t to put the coach on the defensive, but to open up a productive dialogue and advocate for fair treatment, not just for your child, but for all players.

Step 5: Empower Your Child

While you’re working behind the scenes, don’t forget to support your child directly. Teach them how to handle frustration and overcome obstacles. Encourage them to keep working hard, stay positive, and be a great teammate — even when things don’t seem fair.

This is a life lesson in adversity. Sports aren’t just about winning — they teach grit, character, and how to keep going when things aren’t perfect. And those are lessons that will carry far beyond the field.

When to Take It Further

If you’ve tried everything and still see clear favoritism that’s affecting team morale, it might be time to approach league officials or the program coordinator. Again, keep it factual and respectful. Your goal is to make sure all kids get a fair shot, not stir up drama.

Final Thoughts: Keep the Big Picture in Mind

At the end of the day, youth sports should be about fun, growth, and positive experiences. No one expects perfection from coaches — especially volunteer ones.

But if you notice a pattern of unfairness, it’s okay to speak up. Just make sure you’re doing so for the right reasons: to make the game better for every kid, not just your own.

Remember, young athletes are watching. How we handle situations like this teaches them how to stand up for themselves — calmly, confidently, and respectfully — later in life.

Helpful Tools for Youth Sports Parents and Coaches

Need help navigating youth sports as a parent or coach?

• New to coaching? Grab your free Voluntold Coach’s Toolkit.
• Weekend sports warrior? Download the Weekend Warriors Toolkit — it’s filled with tips to help you support your athlete from the sidelines.
• Want to boost your child’s mental game? Explore certified performance coaching from a mindset expert here.

We know youth sports can be chaotic — but with the right mindset and resources, you can turn even the tricky moments into wins for your family and your team.

Let’s keep cheering, supporting, and showing up — not just for our kids, but for the love of the game.